andrewfarago (andrewfarago) wrote,

The Lost Marvel Team-Up: Spider-Man and Planned Parenthood!

{Editor's Note: Just got back from Comic-Con to find out that Boing-Boing has linked to this. If any of you who are just now discovering this can make your way over to WilliamBazillion.com to check out my webcomic, I'd appreciate it. Thanks!}


Ah, Spider-Man. Quite probably my favorite fictional character of all time.

The first comics exhibition that I ever curated was a 40-year Spider-Man retrospective.

My favorite cartoon as a kid was Spider-Man and His Amazing Friends, which I watched religiously.

I stood outside the now-defunct Galaxy Theatre in San Francisco for three hours in cold, foggy weather to see a sneak preview of the Spider-Man movie a day before its nationwide premiere.

And one of my career highlights so far is co-scripting an actual Marvel Comic featuring (a one panel cameo appearance by) Spider-Man:



(co-written by Shaenon Garrity and illustrated by Roger Langridge and Al Gordon)

Over the course of the past 25 years or so, I've read over one thousand Spider-Man comics. I've seen Spider-Man team up with John Belushi and the original Not-Ready-For-Prime-Time Players. I've seen Spider-Man potty-train The Beyonder, Marvel Comics' 1980s equivalent of God (crossed with Journey frontman Steve Perry). I've seen Doctor Octopus fall madly in love with Spider-Man's Aunt May. I've even seen Spider-Man locked in mortal combat with a villain that used to be Spidey's own pants, and seen that character become one of the most popular comic book villains of all time.

But a couple of weeks ago, while visiting Kayo Books, one of the coolest used bookstores in the country, I discovered the strangest Spider-Man comic I've ever read. Period.

The comic's on the small side, about 5" x 6", and the cover doesn't indicate anything too far out of the ordinary. I'd planned to get the comic anyway, though, since the story's illustrated by the classic 1970s Spider-Man art team of Ross Andru and Mike Esposito. I was too young to read their comics the first time around, but thanks to a reprint series called Marvel Tales, I was able to read a whole mess of their comics as a 12-year old in the late 1980s, and I've been a fan ever since (and I bought the whole run of their original 1970s comics as a late teenager, thanks to my college's proximity to a great shop called Bargain Comics, which managed to get a pretty good chunk of my disposable income during those years, one 99-cent back issue at a time).




Like I said, nothing out of the ordinary, right? From the cover, I figured that the odds were pretty good that the helicopter was named "Prodigy," and that he and Spider-Man would both agree that you should buy lots of Prodigy merchandise at your local toystore.

Then comes the inside cover:



Yes, it's a very special Marvel Team-Up, with Spider-Man and Planned Parenthood. Christmas came early this year.

Read on for this entire 16-page lost masterwork:



The whole thing starts out like any other 1970s Spider-Man comic, and I could probably name a half-dozen Spider-Man comics that start out like this one off the top of my head. Conversely, I probably can't find South America on a world map. Make of that what you will.









You gotta love those timeless references, don't you? Henry Gross is still making records, though, so Marvel must have been onto something.



Still a pretty standard evil plan at this point, including a convenient explanation of The Prodigy's powers tucked into that third panel.



And the evil plan is revealed!!! If you saw that one coming, award yourself a tin-plated Marvel No-Prize, post-haste!



And we're back to your regularly-scheduled Spider-Man comic again. But these next few pages are pure gold:






My favorite part of that page has to be the footnote from Stan Lee himself, pointing you to the straight dope about contraception. Stan "The Man" has been one of my personal heroes for over 25 years now, and he STILL manages to surprise me.



Man, I love this page. Spider-Man's onto your baby-making conspiracy, Prodigy!



Spider-Man's getting ready to give kids the real truth about birth control and chew bubble gum. And he's all out of bubble gum.






One of the great innovations about this comic is that Spidey's gargoyle disguise didn't work. Not even close. he even gets called "Nutsy" for his troubles. That's classic Spider-Man material.









And that, kids, is how Spider-Man single-handedly stopped the sexual revolution.

Read on for "What The Facts Are..."



"...And Where To Get Them"



Until that visit to Kayo Books, I never thought I'd see that classic Spider-Man spotlight symbol on the same page with the words "menstruation," "homosexuality," "masturbation" and "venereal disease."


And thus ends The Amazing Spider-Man vs. The Prodigy! I'm just glad to know that after all these years of reading comics, there are still hidden treasures like this just waiting to be rediscovered. Maybe that anti-abortion Hulk comic isn't just another urban legend...

Tags: comics, henry gross, marvel, planned parenthood, spider-man, stan lee
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lovenmitt

July 19 2007, 17:44:44 UTC 5 years ago

This is fabulous. It's way better than what I got in health class as a teen.

andrewfarago

July 19 2007, 18:16:14 UTC 5 years ago

Oddly enough, it's *exactly* what I got in health class as a teen.

debbiehuey

July 19 2007, 17:44:56 UTC 5 years ago

Hoo! That was a doozy!! Great find!!

druhol

July 20 2007, 03:31:37 UTC 5 years ago

The dude was trying to make kids have babies for slave labour? That's pretty damn dark, even by today's standards.

billfalls.myopenid.com

July 20 2007, 15:58:47 UTC 5 years ago

Maybe not that dark by today's standards.

A news story today quotes a speech by Tom DeLay blaming illegal immigration and army recruiting shortfalls on abortion: he says we aren't making enough babies.

brieboo

5 years ago

Anonymous

5 years ago

khyungbird

July 20 2007, 04:16:06 UTC 5 years ago

That was AWESOME! And I don't mean that sarcastically. I want to see a Naruto safe-sex manga...

Anonymous

July 26 2007, 06:38:04 UTC 5 years ago

Neil Gaiman has already done this for you

In Death, the High Cost of Living (DTHCOL) the last few pages in that comic are basic instructions (with humor) on how to safely use and dispose of a condom. Also some info on HIV and AIDS, too.

Hidden in plain sight, as it were.

Check it out- your public library probably has it, if you can't buy it yourself.

liz_marcs

5 years ago

khyungbird

5 years ago

skjam

5 years ago

jeffreycwells

July 20 2007, 12:24:43 UTC 5 years ago

After your "Secret History of Comics", I'm not sure what to believe anymore. Please tell me that this is as made-up as the Superman's Pal Jesus story...

appreheno

March 13 2009, 17:13:51 UTC 4 years ago

i like marvel's comics
btw when spiderman 4 comes out?




- spider

evilbobrex

July 20 2007, 22:02:08 UTC 5 years ago

I love this until we get to the part about homosexuality in which a dislike of people of that ilk is displayed. Don't worry kids, just because you have sex fantasies about your same sex friends, it doesn't mean you're gay. I know, it's a little thing, but it stuck out at me almost as much as "galloping guacamole".

andrewfarago

July 20 2007, 23:32:40 UTC 5 years ago

Considering that the pamphlet is 30 years old, it's actually less judgmental than I'd have guessed.

Then again, the extent of my knowledge of America's view of gay culture in the 1970s is pretty much limited to Paul Lynde, Elton John and Three's Company, so I'm probably not the most reliable resource available.

evilbobrex

5 years ago

brandiweed

5 years ago

feech

July 21 2007, 00:40:38 UTC 5 years ago

In running down the list of Spider-Man appearances... did you see the Spidey sequences on the _The Electric Company_ kid's show? The one, for example, where he thwarted a Sasquatch who was sitting on people's ice cream cones?

andrewfarago

July 21 2007, 03:48:56 UTC 5 years ago

I watched The Electric Company every weekday, and read the Spidey Super-Stories in Electric Company Magazine every month.

I'm still upset that the soup-can-crushing villain (who was searching for his long-lost pet frog, if I remember correctly) managed to knock Spidey out and escape. That guy's been at large for over 25 years now, and still hasn't been brought to justice.

****

I just looked this up online to see if I could find any information about that episode, and my memory of the whole thing is eerily accurate:

"The Can Crusher"

Date Unknown - Cast: Jimmy Boyd as The Can Crusher.

When the Can Crusher was just a little boy, he visited a soup factory and his pet frog jumped into a vat of tomato soup. Obsessed with finding his lost pet, the Can Crusher ventured forth in a black jumpsuit w/crazy hair & red nose, invading supermarkets and such, crushing every can he could get a hold of. Spider-Man never caught this one. The Can Crusher defeated him in battle and escaped.

feech

5 years ago

johnwwells

July 21 2007, 05:31:50 UTC 5 years ago

"Is he square? Get a clue -
He'll envelop your mouth with glue!
Look out, here comes the Censor-Man!"

daphneqevuh

July 11 2008, 12:30:28 UTC 4 years ago

" "I'll come," said she, and they shook hands solemnly. Thereafter Our Square felt a little more lenient toward her ministrations, and even those of us who least approved her activities felt the stir of radiance and color which she brought with her.

adam_0oo

July 24 2007, 13:41:38 UTC 5 years ago

Wow man, that was excellent. Not just for the highly dated Spider-man lingo, but for fairly valid talking points. That third to last page, written over 30 years ago, is still alot more than alot of people know, and that is a damn shame. Spider-man can rap about it, but alot of public school kids can't hear about it.

nohatmatt

July 26 2007, 06:08:42 UTC 5 years ago

Really? I was taught this stuff in school years ago.

Of course, we don't have an abstinence programme substituting for real knowledge in the UK.

adam_0oo

5 years ago

nohatmatt

5 years ago

bougieman

July 25 2007, 10:54:45 UTC 5 years ago

Amazing find! I really enjoyed reading that.

koyaanisqatsi

July 26 2007, 03:56:38 UTC 5 years ago

Do you have that one about child molestation?

I'm not kidding.

Anonymous

July 26 2007, 05:27:25 UTC 5 years ago

Spider-Man is a child molester? Well, damn. I hope he doesn't try to move here; we don't need _that_ 'friendly' a neighborhood Spider-Man.

yaanu

5 years ago

pyrothemaniac

July 26 2007, 10:46:55 UTC 5 years ago

You have to post this to scans_daily!

angry_geologist

July 26 2007, 12:12:17 UTC 5 years ago

This is awesome! I wonder if you can get reprints?

kiji_kat

July 26 2007, 16:22:20 UTC 5 years ago

If so, they should be distributed to every school-age child in the country.

liz_marcs

July 26 2007, 16:30:32 UTC 5 years ago

Here via drugaddict

Thank you for posting this. I hope you don't mind, but I've linked to this post because, seriously, this is totally made of win.

andrewfarago

July 31 2007, 04:58:21 UTC 5 years ago

Link away! Anything that makes society aware of the Intellectian invaders in our midst is a good thing.

Deleted comment

fax_celestis

August 4 2007, 16:09:08 UTC 5 years ago

Given the presence of mind of today's masses, why is that surprising?

Deleted comment

Deleted comment

Anonymous

July 26 2007, 18:50:31 UTC 5 years ago

And WHY isn't Spiderman still the accurate information for teens hero? I vote we send him to DC to fix George W. like he did the Prodigy. Maybe that's what we need to stop the madness. I always thought he looked a little green around the edges. Maybe W.'s an alien too! Oh the conspiracy...

mlfoley

July 26 2007, 19:15:52 UTC 5 years ago

Came here by way of Feministing and all I can say is - this is just too cool. Thank you!

quesrah

July 26 2007, 19:37:24 UTC 5 years ago

Uh... "giant baby snatch"?

aliiis

July 27 2007, 10:03:45 UTC 5 years ago

I'm glad someone else spotted that.

Also, this is MADE OF WIN. Purest win mined from the rich seam of win in Winsville, Winland. Also I love the dude's shoes - right on!

Anonymous

July 26 2007, 20:37:24 UTC 5 years ago

You're playing with us, aren't you Andrew?

Ben V.

Anonymous

July 26 2007, 21:08:14 UTC 5 years ago

I would totally hit that blonde

patchcali

July 26 2007, 21:46:56 UTC 5 years ago

Last page of the story part of the comic: "So, kids, the moral of the story is: It's totally cool to spray sticky white stuff into someone's wide open mouth."

Anonymous

September 28 2007, 20:00:57 UTC 5 years ago

Good show ol' bean. Twas that line that made me rofl

wolfdancer

July 26 2007, 22:44:50 UTC 5 years ago

this was cool of you to post.

I so loved it. Thanks.

the_lady_pyro

July 26 2007, 23:06:26 UTC 5 years ago

I know I should be laughing at the story and the old fashion views on sex and teen pregnancy, but I'm having a really hard time noticing anything past the fact that he has the motivation sign "Galactic Glory" taped to his mirror.
Like he just need that little reminder as to why he wakes up and puts on a human face every morning.

just_shiny_thx

July 28 2007, 20:58:51 UTC 5 years ago

LOL I was thinking the exact same thing.

thecanuckguy

July 27 2007, 02:41:36 UTC 5 years ago

That's ... amazing. I knew of (and had several of) the "Religious Archie comics" (if you're even a bit of a comics fan, I'm sure you know to which I refer), but had no idea that there was a wide range of this kind of stuff, including our friendly neighbourhood webslinger.

I wonder where I could find a copy for myself? (Must be quite rare). My son is a HUGE Spiderman fan, and would probably be good for him (ie advice wise) - ignoring the fact that he's only two and a half years old currently, probably when he becomes sexually active in another ten years or so (or twenty years or, if he's like his old man, thirty years) it'll take me that long to find it ...

andrewfarago

July 31 2007, 04:49:52 UTC 5 years ago

I've got no idea how many copies were printed initially, and I'd imagine that since most of them were given to non-comic collectors back in the 1970s, there aren't too many floating around today. It's possible that Kayo Books will get another one eventually (send them an e-mail or visit them if you ever make it to San Francisco--if they don't have the Spider-Man comic, they're bound to have something almost as cool in stock), but you'll have to content yourself with the digital version for the time being.

raisedbymoogles

July 27 2007, 03:43:36 UTC 5 years ago

...You and Stan Lee are my new heroes. *+faves*

andrewfarago

July 31 2007, 04:51:09 UTC 5 years ago

As an unabashed fan of Stan's, I'm very flattered to be mentioned in the same sentence as him.
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